Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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