i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize