My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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