Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
