Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
