I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Houston, we have a blender
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
