I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
