so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
