When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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