Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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