I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
