i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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