Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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