I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
