I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
