How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
