First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
