never play flip cup with pint glasses
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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