it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
