I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
