Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
