There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
