; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
