if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize