I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
