I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
