Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
