he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
