I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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