i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
