He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
