i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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