Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Two words: blizzard sex
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize