I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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