I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just gift wrapped bread.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
