Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
