Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i came on her dog
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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