i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
