i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
