I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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