she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
