i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
