my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
