i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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