just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I supernannyed him into submission
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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