this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
