White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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