I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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