Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
