I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
