You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
