**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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