you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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