Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize