so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
