I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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