Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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