dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
