but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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