and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So many bounce houses so little time
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
