I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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