Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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