tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Even my vagina gasped.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
