she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize