Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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