kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize