I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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