Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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