You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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