Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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