You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
