I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
