Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
