i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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