I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i barfeds in our rink
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
