Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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