Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
