Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
