First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize