Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
