What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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