I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
