i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
