Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
