i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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