it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
