Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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