i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize