My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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