I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
