hotel room ftw
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my sisters under your porch take her home
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
