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Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
