he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
