i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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