she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
