I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
