Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
