Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I am naked and annoyed.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize