Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
