I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
