I heard we made out
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize