I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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