I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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