I am in a vortex of obligation.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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