she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
