I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
