i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
