party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize