I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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