So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
